


pea pods

by watergator



Series: dan's gay sister [1]
Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: Coming Out, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/F, Implied/Referenced Homophobia, M/M, Siblings
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-13
Updated: 2019-09-13
Packaged: 2020-10-17 22:30:47
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,152
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20628599
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/watergator/pseuds/watergator
Summary: in this universe, dan has a gay sister





	pea pods

Soft lips press against hers, and no matter how hot it’s supposed to be or feel, she can’t help the laugh that escapes her and causes her to pull away.

She flops backwards onto the bed with a huff, and the girl in front of her flops down on top of her. It hurts a little with the crush of their boobs together, squishing them down, but she laughs again, and she laughs too.

“You’re silly,” Erica kisses her, just on the corner of the mouth where it tingles.

“And you’re crushing my fucking tits,” Yazi huffs.

Erica grins, like she’s pleased with the fact, and rolls off of her.

“What’s the time?” Yazi asks as she sits up. Her hair has fallen over her face, and she takes a hand to pull it back over her head to see clearly.

What she does see is Erica, her gorgeous girlfriend walking across her bedroom, dressed in only the spaghetti string top and white pants.

Yazi can’t help but stare at her ass she she grabs her phone.

“Damn,” Erica says, turning to face her still strewn across the bed. “Seven.”

Yazi feels her face tug into a sad frown. “Already?” She asks, hopeful that maybe it’s not true.

“Uh huh. We’ll have tomorrow though, yeah?”

Yazi smiles as she stands up off the bed. Her trainers are left beside the locked door and her school backpack is slumped beside the wall, discarded and forgotten.

“Yeah. You have Biology first thing?” She asks as she collects her things. 

Erica yawns from across the room, arms stretching over her head to reveal the slip of skin across her belly. It sends a flurry of butterflies in her chest at the sight. Damn these teenage hormones.

“Yep. Meet for bread rolls after first class?” Erica grins, a twinkle in her eye.

Yazi huffs a laugh as she picks her bag off the floor and slings it over her shoulder. 

“Of course,” she tells her.

*

She skips down the stairs, knowing that it’ll be growing darker soon, and just as she’s out the door she’s bumping into Erica’s mother.

“Oh, Yazi, going home?” She asks, poking her head from inside the kitchen. She has a teatowel in her hand as if she’s in the middle of washing up.

Yazi hums and hikes her backpack up her shoulder just to give her hands something to do as she awkwardly stands here.

“Yep, thanks for having me over,” she smiles politely.

The woman laughs, and shakes her head at her.

“It’s no trouble dear,” she tells her. “You two girls are always so tucked away when you get together. Studying going well I assume?”

Yazi tries incredibly hard to keep her face straight and make sure it stays a neutral colour - anything but red that would give away the game that she wasn’t in fact studying with her daughter,but instead swapping spit and humping the holy hell out of one another for the last half an hour.

She smiles and nods and does her best impression of a normal person's reaction.

“Yeah,” she laughs nervously, “chemistries a bit of a tricky one but we got through the worst of it today,” she lies. “Although if I see another term paper on radiation then I might have to drop out of school.”

She’s impressed with how smooth her life was. She’ll have to text Erica later to catch her up on radiation waves to make sure they’re on the same page.

Erica’s mum looks impressed as well. “Gosh, it’s a good thing you’re so smart,” she says with a wave of her towel.

Yazi just beams at her, unsure of what to say.

“Go on then,” she nods with a kind smile. “I won’t keep you too long. Tell Karen I said hello, won’t you?”

Yazi agrees, thanks her again and finally leaves.

By the time she’s out of the house she has a buzzing in her pocket.

It’s obviously a text from Erica, obviously.

_ radiation study session? lol ur mental _

Yazi grins the whole walk home.

*

When Yazi gets home, it’s quiet. It’s only just gone past half seven, but it’s probably too quiet for their household.

She expects their dad to be working late, as he always is these days, her mum to maybe be mingling around the house somewhere, and she has no idea where Dan and Adrian could be.

“Hello?,” She calls out to her empty house.

If she truly is alone, then she’ll be a bit miffed that seven was her cut off point. Spending a few extra hours with her secret girlfriend would have been better than coming home to nothing.

She drops her bag by the front door and heads to the kitchen.

She stops in her tracks, heart flies into her mouth when she catches the figure sitting at the kitchen table, shrouded in darkness.

“Fuck!” She yelps, jumping up a little, out of her skin, and with that the figure moves, looking up at her.

Yazi is quick to find the light switch on the wall, slapping a hand over it where the room comes to life with light, and she can see clearly that there’s no monster or home intruder in her kitchen, but instead, it’s just her brother.

Dan looks at her from across the room with wild, scared eyes, and it’s then when her eyes start to adjust to the light that she notices how red and puffy his eyes are.

“Dan?” She asks, voice gentle and soft.

The boys sits up a little and is quick to wipe his nose on the back of his school jumper. She grimaces, knowing that their mum won’t be happy if she knows he’s making a mess of his uniform like that.

But she doesn’t dwell on the thought too long, instead too preoccupied with wondering what the hell her thirteen year old brother is doing in the dark, all alone, seemingly crying to himself at the kitchen table.

“Yaz,” he starts, clearing his throat. His voice sounds thick and sad. Definitely crying.

“I didn’t mean to scare you,” he says, trying to laugh. It doesn’t sound all too convincing, and Yazi gives a half laugh back, walking towards him where she takes a seat opposite him.

“Where’s mum?” She asks.

She doesn’t ask where Dad is. She’s old enough to understand now why he might leave the house and sometimes not come back. She looks at Dan and feels a twang of sadness in her chest nonetheless. Up close, she can see the tear marks tracked down his face.

It’s not a new image for her baby brother, but it makes her heart clench nonetheless.

“She’s out, picking Adrian up from Nana’s house,” he tells her with a sniff of his nose. “Dinners in the microwave,” he says nodding towards where it’s perched on the kitchen counter.

“Although, it’s not all that great,” he adds

Yazi snorts a laugh. “You’re a rude boy,” she says, scraping her chair back in search for her probably cold, probably crap dinner.

“How was Erica?” Dan asks as she punches in the timer for ten minutes. She turns to look at him.

“Alright,” she shrugs, hoping to come across as nonchalant as possible. It must work because Dan only hums.

“How was school?” She asks carefully.

She notices the way his shoulders tense, and his frown becomes deeper.

“Shit,” he tells her bluntly. “As per fucking usual.”

Yazi stares at him, the sad looking boy in front of her.

“Hey,” she says softly. “Language.”

It manages to ease the tension only for a small moment, because the smile that appears on his face disappears as quickly as it had appeared.

“For real though, you all okay?”

Dan looks away at her and stares down at his hands. His nails are bitten down to the stubs; a habit their mother would constantly be reminding him of, but no matter what she would say or do, Dan always had a problem with keeping his fingers away from his mouth.

“Yeah,” he sighs, not sounding okay at all. “Just general bullshit.”

Yazi feels her stomach knot.

“Well, if you were at my school, I’d be sure to make sure none of that general bullshit were to happen.”

She says it, half to have something to say, and half because she feels like if she does, it’s something to at least make herself feel like she’s trying in some way.

“Thanks,” Dan says looking back at her, giving a huff of laughter. “But I don’t think having my big older sister fighting my battles for me would exactly prove my point.”

Yazi frowns deeply at him, she’s about to ask him what he means about it, when the front door opens.

She’s still looking at Dan when he’s quick to rub at his eyes and prepare himself as their mum walks in.

She has Adrian balanced on one hip as she enters the kitchen, giving them both tired smiles.

“Hi Yaz, darling, sorry I had to leave your dinner in the microwave,” she starts off, sounding like she’s ready to ramble, but Yaz cuts her off.

“It’s okay,” she smiles, just as the timer goes off.

Adrian makes a babbling noise and Yazi hears her mum give a heavy sigh.

“Daniel, be a sweetie and go take Adrian upstairs, will you? Get him into his pyjamas for me, thanks love.”

Yazi turns around with her plate of dinner to watch Dan nod, and take their five year old brother by the hand to lead him upstairs to his room.

Karen collapses into Dan’s seat at the table and runs her hands over her tired face.

Yazi takes her seat beside her.

“Long day?” She asks as she digs her fork into her sausage.

Karen looks at her with a thin smile.

“God, the longest.”

Karen then goes on to talk about her terrible client at work, and Yazi eats through the entire conversation.

She’s half listening to her mums horror story, half thinking about how Dan never came back downstairs.

When she’s finished her dinner, she washes her plate in the skin and kisses her mum on the head.

“I’m gonna head up,” she tells her. Karen pats her on the arm and wishes her a goodnight.

Yazi has to remind her not to fall asleep on the couch again and Karen laughs at her and tells her she can only promise to try.

Yazi climbs the stairs and heads to her room.

She passes Adrian’s room first, and pokes her head around the door.

He’s dressed in his pyjamas, happily tucked up in bed. She smiles to herself at the thought of Dan tucking him in, and that’s when her chest goes tight again.

Dan’s room, just next door. His door is shut with a sliver of light poking out under the bottom.

She stands there for a while, contemplating if she should even do anything before she’s already rapping her knuckles against the wood and waiting for a response.

“Yeah, mum, I know, I’m just getting ready for bed now.” Dan calls out from behind the door, thinking she’s their mum.

“No,” Yazi whispers in a voice low enough she knows she wont be heard by their mum downstairs. “Lemme in?”

There’s silence for a moment, and Yazi can hear the sound of their mum downstairs, the telltale sound of a wine glass being pulled from the cupboard.   
  
She’s about to knock again, ask if he’s alright, when the door suddenly opens, a tiny enough crack for Dan to poke his head out of.   
  
Yazi notices he’s already dressed down in his sonic pyjamas, already becoming too short for him from the way they cuff mid way at his ankles and wrists. Dan doesn’t seem all to bothered by the fact.   
  
In fact, he looks alright to Yazi.   
  
“Yeah?” Dan speaks, and it reminds her that she was the one that wanted to talk to Dan.   
  
“Can I come in?” She asks. Dan looks at her for a moment before he shrugs and he opens the door and she walks in, sitting on his bed.

She immediately spots the little tear marks on his pillow and when she looks to Dan who’s stood in the middle of the small room, his cheeks flush red.

“They’re just messing with me,” Dan tells her before she has a chance to even ask. “It’s just teasing, really. I’m just being a crybaby as usual.”   
  
Yazi frowns as Dan forces out a laugh.   
  
“Come here?” She asks, scooting over on the bed, feeling the mattress dip beneath her as Dan takes a seat beside her. He lets out a long, drawn out sigh as he does so and Yazi can feel the heaviness in it.   
  
“Are they being nasty?” Yazi asks in a quiet voice. Dan simply presses the heels on his hands into his eyes as if to starve off any impending tears. It doesn’t seem to work very well as Yaz watches a few slip down his face.   
  
“It’s nothing,” Dan croaks, pulling his hands away from his face to look at her. He has a look of anger flash across his face now, and Yazi isn’t entirely who it’s really aimed at.

“I’m not being bullied,” he tells her with a vicious tone, something accusatory. “I just… I can’t take the jokes the other guys make because I’m just being a right pussy gay boy.”

Yazi feels her heart clench at the words spat from her little brothers mouth. They sting and torture her, landing right in her chest where they poke at her like barbed wire.   
  
Dan lets out a little grunt of anger, coming from deep down, and hands his head in his hands again whilst all Yazi can do now is watch and think about what to say next.   
  
“You…” Yazi starts to say when she thinks of what might be best. But her words die on her tongue and she isn’t sure if they even sound right in her own head.   
  
But Dan makes a little sobbing sound, cutting it off with a hand pressed over his mouth as he brings his knees to his chest and he starts to cry.   
  
Yazi might not know what words work best for a situation like this, but she does know that hugs work, and her theory is proven to be correct when he opens her arms and Dan immediately falls into her, letting himself be wrapped up in her embrace.   
  
His curls tickle her nose and she smiles, pressing a quick kiss there.   
  
“Hey,” she says softly, rubbing a hand in circles over his back and it reminds her of when they were little, back when Dan was small enough to hold and when his nightmares scared him in the night, Yazi found herself being the source of comfort in his life.   
  
She hopes it’s still the case, and it seems like it is when Dan snuggles his head further into her side, most likely getting tears and snot on her shirt, but she couldn’t care less really.

When Dan finally pulls away from her, he does indeed have snot and tears tracked down his face, and she lets him wipe it on the back of his school uniform sleeve. It feels therapeutic in a way, letting him wipe his nose on the symbol of something that makes him feel like this.

She reaches out and brushes his floppy hair out of his eyes; it’s getting far too long and according to their dad, in desperate need of a cut. But Dan had whispered under his breath that he liked it like that, and if Dan liked it, Yazi could too.   
  
Dan gives a sad little hiccup and she feels her heart breaking ever further.   
  
“You know they’re all just dickheads, right?” Yazi tells him. He looks up at her with big brown eyes, the same eyes inside her own head, and gives her a look.   
  
“It’s just-’ he cuts himself off with another little hiccup. “The things they say, Yaz,” he frowns deep. “It’s so mean all the time.”   
  
Yazi slumps her shoulders. How could anyone want to conflict and kind of pain onto her little brother like this? She remembers when he was born, so tiny and red and squirmy in her small arms. That moment her mum placed this new piece of her heart in her arms like that, she knew what kind of love she’d hold in her chest for him, forever. How she had that instant click of protectiveness become part of her since then. It never went away and she doesn’t suppose it will ever go away no matter how old they grow to be.   
  
“You know,” she says in a gentle tone, “those kids at school don’t know what they’re talking about. They say stupid shit to make themselves feel bigger.”   
Dan sniffs and looks down, then he says in a very small voice,   
  
“But what if they’re right?”   
  
Yazi stops for a moment. “What?” she asks.   
  
Dan looks up at her and its evident more tears are forming behind those big sad eyes of his.   
  
His bottom lip quivers, “What if the nasty things they say about me are true?” he whispers, his voice cracks but unlike how it had been lately with the pre-pubecent hormones floating around his body.   
  
The voice crack wasn’t funny - it was heartbreaking.   
  
Yazi gives in to the urge to run her hands through his curls again. “What do they say about you?” she asks him in a quiet voice. The house suddenly seems too quiet, and their voices could be heard by anyone.   
  
She’s not sure when her heart started hammering against her chest like it is now, but it’s beating so hard, she fears it might bruise her from the inside out.   
  
Dan doesn’t say anything for a while, instead looking down the at floor with little sniffs every now and then.   
  
Yazi… knows what some of the cruel things are said to her brother. She’d first heard those words aimed at him once when she picked him up from school to walk home together. Dan had shrugged the word off, like water off a ducks back, whilst all the while Yazi could feel her palms sweat and her heart rate pick up because of some slur spat at her brother that held a lot of meaning to her.   
  
It was scary still, even if it wasn’t directed at her personally, but the word still hurt and made her cry that night, as if being gay was something to feel awful about.   
  
Of course, she never told anyone before. She assumes it’s the same with her brother.   
  
Dan’s chewing on his fingernails and Yazi tuts, just like she always does and gently pulls his fingers away from his mouth.   
  
Dan does then eventually look up and gives her a half smile. His dimple almost makes an appearance even.   
  
But then, he looks sad again, and a frown crosses his face and his eyes go glassy.

“Yaz?” he asks in a small voice. His eyes are trained on the floor still but Yazi can’t find herself to mind.   
  
“Yeah?” she whispers.   
  
Dan swallows hard before turning his head to look at her.   
  
“Do you think…” he starts and then stops again, his face creases like he’s in deep thought before he starts again.   
  
“The boys at school,” he says slowly. “They say these things to me and they really… upset me,” he tells her. “The things they say are meant to hurt me, and they do.”   
  
Yazi reaches out to give his bony little knee a squeeze.   
  
“Whatever cruel things they say to you Dan, you’re not it.”   
  
She’s sure of herself in how much conviction her voice carries and she thinks it may work in making Dan feel better, but Dan suddenly starts to cry harder. He’s muffling his sobs like he’s a damn expert at it and it has Yazi wondering how many nights Dan’s practiced the art of keeping his tears that silent.   
  
Yazi tries to pull him in for another hug, but this time he rejects it, pushing her away slightly. Yazi feels lost at first before she realises Dan has something to say.   
  
“You don’t get it,” he sniffs, looking up at her with an expression Yazi has seen far too many times in the bathroom mirror.   
  
It’s anger, it’s hate, it’s confusion, it’s sadness and bitterness and the feeling of utter pain and hopelessness.   
  
Yazi sucks in a breath just as Dan exhales one.   
  
“Yaz… I am the nasty things they call me.”   
  
His voice is so small and so little it can’t possibly belong to her baby brother Dan.    
  
But it is; it’s his lips moving and his heart pouring the words out to her and suddenly she feels a wetness on her own cheek and her breath stutters at the surprise of crying at all.   
  
Dan looks at her, a wave of horror comes over him, like it’s dawned on him to what he’s just insinuated and Yazi feels her chest tighten.   
  
“No,” she says, her voice is raw and sad.    
  
“No,” she says a second time and this time Dan’s face relaxes. “I do get it,” she tells him.   
  
She gets it one hundred percent. And now that’s bared out in front of her brother.   
  
He blinks at her, “Really?”

Yazi finds it incredible really - both her and Dan are such talkers. They could yap the ear off their nana any time of the week. Dan was good at reciting poetry and Yazi loved to use big words when she could.   
  
And yet, here they were, sat on Dan’s pokemon clad bed, a whole conversation and a whole realisation between them, and not one word to indicate themselves uttered.   
  
That G word, that dreaded, awful yet fucking brilliant G word still sits heavy at the bottom of her stomach where the rest of her anxiety brews.   
  
She wipes away a tear and gives a breathy laugh. “Well, yeah. I guess so.”   
  
It feels weird. Feels strange. But when Dan smiles, it feels really good.   
  
“You’re not the nasty things they say to you, Dan,” she tells him once she's sniffed back more tears. She reaches over ad brushes away one of Dan’s with her thumb.   
  
“You’re you,” she tells him. “You’re great and you’re loved and you’re like, another extension of me now, bonus points for the curly hair and brown eyes,” she says in a shaky voice, picking up a strand of her hair to prove her point.   
  
Dan laughs before his face falls again. “I’m scared, Yaz,” he admits. “Are you not scared?”   
  
Yazi pulls him in and this time he doesn’t resist. “All the fucking time,” she tells him, wrapping her arms around him.   
  
He plays with the end of her hair. “How do we get to be not scared?” he asks in a small voice.   
  
Yazi pulls away to look at him.    
  
“You own it,” she says, her voice getting a little thicker with emotion. “You wear that shit like a bag on the inside for as long as you want.”   
  
Dan sniffs. “I don’t want anybody to know. I don’t want mum or nana to stop loving me,” he whispers, voice getting wobbly again.

Yazi feels a pang in her heart. She knows that feeling all to well too.   
  
“I won’t tell anyone your secret if you don’t tell anyone about my secret,” she whispers. She can’t promise Dan anything about their mum or their nana, but she needs Dan to know that he’ll forever have his big gay sister there for him.

“Pinky swear it,” Dan says, holding out his little finger for Yazi to instantly lock with her own. They shake on it and pull apart.

“Do you think it gets less scary? When you get older, I mean?” Dan asks after some time.   
  
Yazi takes a deep breath and looks towards Dan’s bedroom wall where there’s Spice Girls cd up on the shelf. She feels a burst of pride inside of her.   
  
“I hope so,” she tells him and turns her head to face him again, and he’s looking up at him with expectant eyes.   
  
“What if it’s not?” he asks. “What if the world keeps on being scary?”   
  
Yazi pushes those thoughts away in her own head constantly; boxing them away in metaphorical cardboard with promises to peek into them later. But maybe now was a good time to blow the dust off the top and maybe just have a tiny little look.   
  
She takes Dan’s hand in hers and squeezes tight like she never wants to ever let go.   
  
“Then at least we’ll have each other,” she tells him. And she means in, from the very bottom of her heart.   


**Author's Note:**

> thank u to those on tumblr who supported this idea, without you dan's gay sister would never have been created <3
> 
> come say hi on tumblr !! @watergator


End file.
